Dealing with Unintended Embarrassment in the Aging Years





So, I walked into my local Starbucks store and asked for my favorite coffee drink. The barista, an elderly lady, asked if I wanted cream with my coffee. “Just a smidgen,” I said and then launched into my usual rant about the evils of too much.‘Do you want to watch while I add the cream? “She asked. There was an obliging barista, which I appreciated.Then, my retiree asked if I would like a free sample of the coffee cake for the day. “Sure,” I responded and said also: “Remind me to add a nice reward for you.”We finished our business, and I walked out, offering profuse thanks. But I forgot the tip. I remembered while walking out but was too embarrassed to return and admit my mistake.This little faux pas, on my part, reminded me yet again of one of the downfalls of growing older: unintended embarrassments that arrive unexpectedly.As Douglas Engelbart puts it, “The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.”My thesis in this essay is that older people are subject to more unintended embarrassment due to various losses, like forgetfulness and errant mistakes and pratfalls.With declines in memory and physical abilities, goofs, errors, and misjudgments become the order of the day. And, as I can attest, unhappily, they tend to increase slowly—the result: higher rates of unintended embarrassment.Embarrassment is a natural human emotion that arises when our individuality or inadequacy unexpectedly falls under public scrutiny.Mockery and humiliation may follow this display; if it is a private matter, we cringe with shame and embarrassment.