How To Reparent Yourself If You’re The Child Of A Narcissistic Parent




Children of narcissistic parents can suffer long-lasting effects in adulthood that affect their self-esteem, mental health, their susceptibility to re-traumatization, and emotional regulation. As a researcher specializing in narcissism, I’ve spoken to not only thousands of people involved in romantic relationships with narcissistic partners but also many adult children of narcissists who struggle with the harmful beliefs and traumas of their early upbringing. Many want to know how they can engage in reparenting practices that allow them to build a more solid foundation especially since they were raised by a parent that lacked empathy. Here are some powerful steps you can take to re-parent yourself if you were the child of a narcissistic parent. The second one is my personal favorite. When most of us think of reparenting, we think of nurturing our inner child. But what if I told you that we actually have multiple “inner parts” that subconsciously affect our behavior? These inner parts all serve a function and can be maladaptive or adaptive depending on how we work with them. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Richard Schwartz, these inner parts include not just wounded parts that carry the weight of early traumas (also known as exiles) but also protectors and defenders that shield these wounded parts from exposure. They include “firefighters,” the parts that compel us to “numb out” our pain with various addictions or distractions and rescue us from experiencing our most brutal emotions. It also includes “managers” that micromanage the tasks of daily living and wield control over our relationships to avoid abandonment or discomfort. When starting your reparenting journey, it is best to work with a trauma-informed therapist trained in Internal Family Systems Therapy to better identify the inner parts that may be causing distress in your life and work to open a line of communication among all of them. This will sound like asking your inner parts…