Helping Others to Support You in Grief





Ithad only been a month since my brother had taken his own life when I made the decision to return to university. After the funeral, my parents and I yearned for the distraction of a daily routine. To prevent ourselves from getting lost in our thoughts while sitting at home, my parents decided to go back to work, and I chose to resume my studies. Let’s not be mistaken: at that point in time, I was still deeply in shock. On some days, leaving my bedroom felt like an impossible task. Everything reminded me of my brother. Sudden moments of realization that I would never be able to speak to him again hit me unexpectedly in the most random situations, resulting in me breaking down in both private and public situations. Despite my desire for distraction, I knew returning to uni carried a lot of risks. Would I be able to focus on classes, let alone manage tight deadlines? Would I feel out of place among my non-grieving peers? And speaking of my peers, how would they treat me once they learned about my brother’s suicide? I would return to the second semester of my master’s degree. At that point, I had known most of my peers for less than six months. Our relationships were entirely built on shared experiences like classes, the stress of finals week, and day-to-day university gossip. We hadn’t yet reached that point in our friendship where you discussed more complex family matters. All they knew about my family was that I had one - and that my brother committed suicide. Even during those early weeks of shock and pain, I was acutely aware of the stigma surrounding suicide. And I was scared of what it might mean for my relationships at uni.If I’ve learned one thing about grief, it’s that most of us don’t consciously choose how to cope with it; we simply do what feels natural to us. I’ve always been someone who excels at addressing difficult topics and has a lot of empathy for others. This empathy helped me realize that returning to uni would be difficult for my peers, too. After all, we were only in our…