Whiskers of Wisdom— Lessons on Attachment Healing from Two Beloved Feline Friends




Attachment theory has been having its moment these past five to ten or so years. Odds are you’ve talked about it on at least a few dates. Within the queer community it’s even more of a buzzword, almost up there with horoscopes. Similarly, cats are continuing to have their moment, with lesbian cat ladies a well-worn (but far from baseless) stereotype. Anna Pulley’s brilliant book of haikus called the Lesbian Sex Haiku Book — with Cats speaks to this. So did Kate McKinnon and Kristin Wiig’s recurring SNL gag between two lesbian cat lovers. The cat-lesbian association has spanned centuries. According to The Cut, Ancient Egypt, Wicca and witchcraft featured felines as companions in spiritual matters for hundreds of years. These practices appealed to women generally disgusted by the demands of marriage, gender roles, or mainstream femininity. In the 1970s, few women were more disgusted with the sexist status quo than lesbian feminists. The attachment style that comes most readily to mind for those who dislike cats tends to be avoidant — yet we cat lovers know that this is a gross reduction. We’re aware that our feline friends are far more varied in their attachment styles, falling along a spectrum much like humans do. Animal researcher Kristyn Vitale stated in an interview with OPB, “What we’re finding [is that] the majority of cats do use their owners as a source of security and rely on them for comfort.”I adopted my two sweethearts Mickey and Callie late last year. Being the queer girl with an interest in relationship psychology that I am, I’ve since observed their behavior through an attachment lens, correlating my observations with a respective style. And through this, I’ve come to realize that an anxious-avoidant pairing isn’t as doomed as experts may have once thought.