Someone New


I’m sleepwalking through life. Repeating patterns that lead me back to where I started. Is it routine or habit? Or, maybe, it’s a rut. Either way, this circular dance of sameness has me in a trance. I’ve been on auto-pilot for as long as I can remember. Rote behaviors, my armor, newness, the sworn enemy. I’m swathed in smothering familiarity, longing to break free. But time has proven that change is not inevitable. I think about it. I talk about it. I want it. I need it. Still, here I sit, grinding in neutral.My futile attempts to shift gears have led me to meditations and affirmations, where inspiration is often fleeting. Initially, they ignite yet leave me idle. The enticing promise of self-help books offers impetus for improvement, but I remain unevolved. Manifestation methods have fallen short as I crumble beneath a mountain of visionless boards. Trying to change has only produced more trying. This version of me has her heels dug in with ironclad resistance. She becomes more obstinate in the face of annihilation. She knows this isn’t just a pending break-up. It’s a complete death. It has to be. Death for survival.It seems the only way forward is to quit the old me cold turkey. Put her down and step into a new make. So, I have decided to wake up tomorrow a completely different person. Unrecognizable to myself. A person who does what she says she’s going to do. A person who follows her heart and does what she loves for the sole purpose of inhabiting joy, not because it might lead to something else. I’ll awaken to a fresh outlook, innovative thoughts, inspired actions and new energy. Not a renewed sense of self, but a whole new self. I’m talking transmutation. I’m done cocooning. It’s time to fly.