The Book That Helped Me Overcome the Good Child Syndrome as an Adult




Do you remember how your parents praised you when you were a kid?From a young age, many of us have been showered with praise like “Oh, you’re so smart! Great job!” from our parents.While it feels wonderful to be recognized, the long-term effects of this kind of praise on your mindset and self-esteem might surprise you.For me, this pattern of praise became a defining feature of my life. Every time I was praised, I realized I was doing something right, so I tried to repeat it over and over again. Before I knew it, meeting my parents’ expectations became my primary goal.When I started school, I was too afraid to disappoint my parents, so I worked hard to avoid it. I studied until late, got excellent grades at school, played violin and piano every week, and attended dance classes.“I need to perform,” I’d say to myself, “I need to be excellent in everything. When I got a ‘satisfactory’ or even ‘good’ grade at school, I was nervous to tell my parents. My mom’s “we’ll talk at home” still gives me the chills.While this might sound familiar to many from Eastern European families, it wasn’t healthy, and I believe it could be a reason why I developed my anxiety, risk aversion, and fear of failure.This study even found that Russian families “rarely encourage autonomy, activity and self-control” in a child’s upbringing, favoring a strict approach.