My Sister’s Death Shapes How I Think About Suicide




The Western world has largely wrapped suicide in a shroud of shame and silence for centuries, even though remaining quiet hasn’t vanquished this scourge. Rates of suicide in the US are alarmingly high and still growing. A record number of Americans, almost 50,000, killed themselves in 2022. Undoubtedly, many additional suicides are classified as accidents. Many of the “deaths of despair” from drug and alcohol abuse, or neglect of physical and mental self-care, could also legitimately be reclassified as suicide. Suicide kills more than twice as many Americans than does murder, but garners much less attention.Shame reduction is a first step in encouraging greater dialogue about suicide. Shame isn’t just an internal feeling. It’s literally a loss of face, causing us to tuck our chins and avert our gaze. Shame muzzles us, rendering it harder to speak. Dialectical behavioral therapists (DBT) know that one way to break the spell of a compelling, negative emotion like shame is to take actions that counter the physical tendencies of that emotion.To reduce shame about suicide one should look others in the eye, speak loudly and clearly, and explain why this is not a shameful topic.For years, mental health experts have been urging people to speak more openly about suicide. Some fear that talking about suicide just creates new angst, but it also has the potential of adding nuance to the conversation. Through dialogue we can challenge the moral judgments about suicide. We can diminish the misinformation about suicide and mental illness. We can embrace ambivalence to provide a more complete picture about the impact of suicide.