Everyone is Shy. And Confidence Is A Con.


We’ve all been there before. Your palms start sweating when you walk into a party where you don’t know anyone. Your heart races when you try to make small talk with strangers. No matter how much you psych yourself up beforehand, mingling in crowds feels painfully awkward. In these moments, it seems like everyone else is at ease — making witty conversation, connecting effortlessly, radiating confidence.

But here’s the truth: they aren’t. Shyness is a universal human experience. Even the most charismatic extroverts have secret moments of insecurity. We all put on a bit of an act in social situations to cover up anxiety and self-consciousness.I’ve been getting up on stage — performing, singing, DJing, speaking — for two decades. And I can tell you, the fear doesn’t go away. It sticks around to remind you that you give a s**t. No matter who you are, you’re probably in the same boat as me.

Shyness stems from our fundamental human biology/psychology. Research suggests genetics make up about 50% of our shyness. Brain chemistry also plays a role. Neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin regulate mood and emotions. If our brains are low in these chemicals, we will likely feel shy or anxious in social situations. From an evolutionary perspective, moderate social anxiety may have helped early humans survive in tight-knit tribal groups..